You Were Never Broken: Self-acceptance as the real starting point for ADHD | Gloria Joy Sherrod (LCPC, ADHD-CCSP, author of Adulting with ADHD)
Why fixing yourself was never the answer.
You’re sitting across from someone you trust, a therapist, a coach, a friend, and the first thing out of your mouth is: “Just tell me what’s wrong with me so I can fix it.” You’ve said some version of this your whole life. To bosses, to partners, to yourself in the mirror after another forgotten deadline. You’re not asking for help. You’re asking to be repaired.
Gloria Joy Sherrod is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and ADHD-Certified Clinical Services Provider who runs Empowered Neurodiversity, a neuro-affirming therapy practice. She’s the author of Adulting with ADHD, producer of the Adulting with ADHD documentary, and a TEDx speaker. Her Instagram community has grown to over 108,000 followers.
Inside this guest post, Gloria breaks down why self-acceptance is the foundation that makes every other ADHD strategy actually work, and shares five ways to start building it.
I can remember the first time I attended therapy with the intention of managing my ADHD. I came in overwhelmed, worried about my job, my home life, my overall well-being.
I felt like I was drowning in responsibilities. The things that seemed to come naturally to other people felt impossibly hard for me.
I had felt that way for most of my life, but this time was different. I was losing my grip on the systems and coping strategies I had been holding onto to keep myself from falling apart. My mindset going into therapy was simple and harsh: “Fix me. I’m clearly broken.”
What I discovered through that process was something I never expected. I wasn’t broken, and I never needed fixing. What I needed was to lead my life with self-love, compassion, and appreciation.
I know that can sound cliché, especially when your daily experience with ADHD feels like a series of mishaps, missed deadlines, and chronic stress. But over time, I learned something essential: self-acceptance is the foundation for growth.
When I began to accept myself exactly as I was, missteps and all, I noticed real change. I handled mistakes with more grace. I problem-solved instead of shutting down. I tried again after things went wrong.
Most importantly, I started to believe that I was capable of building a more manageable life, and that I was worth the effort. Sustainable change didn’t happen until those shifts occurred. And once they did, I never looked back.
Why Self-Acceptance Matters (Especially With ADHD)
How do we usually treat things we don’t like or don’t value? We avoid them, neglect them, or criticize them. Motivation doesn’t thrive in environments filled with shame.
Clients often come to me the same way I arrived at my first therapy session. Feeling frustrated, defeated, struggling to see the good in their own abilities. Sometimes they’ll half-jokingly say something like, “I just need you to shame me and I’ll get things done.”
Their brains have been conditioned to lead with fear of disappointing others as motivation. Especially my high-achieving ADHDers who have powered through life on the sheer power of anxiety.
It may work for a season. But what are you left with? An existential crisis, a fear of disappointing others, and difficulty meeting your own needs because that would mean disappointing yourself.
That’s when I introduce self-compassion, self-acceptance, and a new way of viewing change.
So how do you begin accepting who you are when you’re frustrated with where you are? Here are some practical ways to start.
1. Understand That Acceptance Is Not Complacency
This is one of the most frequent points of pushback when I first start working with someone. They say, “I can’t accept myself as I am now. This is not okay.”
They think accepting their current state means being complacent, choosing to stay the same forever, or that it’s just a bunch of “feel-good fluff.”
Accepting the way you are now means choosing to acknowledge reality without judgment. When we see things for what they are and say “yep, this is where I am” instead of “how awful, what a failure,” we make room for creative problem-solving instead of shutting the door on it.
Imagine someone else giving you feedback and they say “how awful, what a failure.” You’d brace, shut down, or stop listening. You wouldn’t be looking to that person for support in the future.
It’s the same when you’re speaking to yourself. Aim to cultivate the supportive voice that says, “Yep, I saw you left the door unlocked again. How can I help?”
