The Apology You're Tired of Giving

The reflex that comes out before you even check what happened

Sorry I'm late. Sorry I forgot. Sorry I haven't called. Sorry I know I said I would. Sorry what was I saying. Sorry it's been so long. Sorry.

You've been saying it for fifty years. Long enough that it doesn't feel like a word anymore. It's a reflex. It leaves your mouth before the other person reacts, before you've checked whether they're upset, before you've figured out whether anything actually happened. You just know the safest thing to do is apologize first and feel the weight of it later.

A thousand small corrections

The reflex didn't come from nowhere. Lateness looks like disrespect. Forgetting looks like carelessness. Losing track of a conversation looks like not caring. And the people around you responded to what they saw, not what was happening underneath it.